i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
