The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
