Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
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