i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
