Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Randomize
