i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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