You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
