She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize