is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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