I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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