can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
