I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
