Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
