Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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