i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
