Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
