I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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