if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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