im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
