sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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