Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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