can u get pink eye on your cock?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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