Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize