lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
