1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
