I CAN MOONWALK!
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
