we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
