I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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