I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Randomize
