i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
