What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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