I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
