I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
