everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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