turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
