shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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