I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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