I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
