I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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