Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
