Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Sorry about my life...
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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