I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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