I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
