Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
