i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
