My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
