I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
it hurts more in the daytime
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
