Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
