and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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