Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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