Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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