I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize