you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
