Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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