I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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