I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I have post one night stand depression
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