I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
