the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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