He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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