I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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