Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I just cut my nipple shaving
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
