you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
