Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
