My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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