I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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