there's paper in my vomit.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
