He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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